Monday, May 18, 2009

Old age and the memory loss that goes with it...

I should really take a notebook to bed with me (if I remember...)! I'm lying in bed on Friday night, thinking about everything I want to write about on my very own blog (I know, I know, I've got a baby in the house, I should be sleeping every chance I get!). By the time I wake up Saterday morning, half of it has disappeared into thin air. By breakfast time, the rest is gone... Oh well, I'll try and dream it all up as I go along.

Of course the main things I want to write about, are the miracles in my life, which obviously means that I HAVE to write about my gorgeous, perfect, light-of-my-life baby girl (who almost had me in tears when she waved goodbye to me for the first time when I dropped her off at school this morning...it was so incredibly cute, but I felt a little sad, as if she was saying "Just go now, mommy, for crying out loud! I want to play!!"... Bittersweet!).

Ever since I can remember I wanted babies. Lots of babies! And I wanted to be pregnant! I remember I was about 10 or 11 and I had this long nightgown and a...oh, I have no idea what it is, a monkey-ish, orang-utan-ish soft toy that had a body that looked exactly like a preggy belly if I shoved it up my nightgown. So I'd walk around with my boepie, and eventually I'd give birth to my baby (by pulling the 'monkey' out from underneath my nightgown...if only it was that easy!) and of course, then would start the 'mothering'.

Thus BIG was my disappointment then when years down the line, I wanted to start having real babies...and nothing happened. Along with pills and needles and pokes and prods and doctors and waiting came tears. And heartache. And lots and lots of "Why's". And more tears. Bitterness. Fury. Jealousy. More heartache... And even more tears.

Our journey to parenthood is a different story for another day. The fact of the matter is, after 4 years of medicated cycles, IUI's and finally an ICSI, me and my dearest hubby are now parents to an incredible little person!! And though I do not wish to EVER have those 4 years over again, Shevaughn (which means "God is Gracious") is worth every single tear cried, every bit of heartache. She fills our lives with so much love and laughter and I thank God for giving her to us every single day.

I have so many friends that are still battling to fall pregnant with the bundle of joy they so desperately want, and to you guys I want to say that I am forever praying for you! I know that it's not something you like hearing, but I do believe that God has a plan for all of us, and He has His own time for everything. Hang in there, I believe that God WILL bless you with one (or two or three) of His most precious angels as soon as the time is right! For my friends who have lived through MC's or stillbirths: I can not begin to imagine what you go through every single day, but I pray for you too, for acceptance, for strength, that you'll have the support you need to face life without your angel-babies...

That's all for now!

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